Breaking Down Food Guilt – Why do we have it and how do we work through it?

Diet culture locates the “problem of fatness” within us, as if each of us are helpless to our hedonistic, pleasure-seeking instincts that will lead us astray from the moral imperative to be, and stay, thin.

Diet culture then prescribes a seemingly unending, and at times contradictory, list of food rules. What to eat, when to eat it, and how to eat it so that you can “look and feel your best!” A whole lotta shoulds and should nots.

When we wrestle for control over our bodies, we wind up disconnected from our senses. Diet culture not only teaches us to ignore hunger, but maybe even to feel accomplished when we don’t satisfy that need. If we become accustomed to viewing hunger as a bodily sense to feel proud of ignoring, then fullness evokes guilt.

Food guilt can arise at three primary stages:

1) the idea of food

2) the act of eating food

3) sitting with the bodily sensations of having eaten food

Let’s back up for a moment and talk about guilt in general.

Guilt is a social emotion that functions to keep us connected and bonded with a group. An individual feels guilty when they come to believe they’ve done something wrong in the eyes of another, and it provides the internal motivation to make a relational repair. Evolutionarily, it makes sense for this emotion to exist and guide our survival. Our ancestors wouldn’t have lasted long if they didn’t band together and form the group cohesion necessary to withstand the dangers of nature.

When it comes to food, if we are feeling guilty, this is evidence that we have developed a sense of morality about food and eating behaviors.

On some level, the part of you that desires connection and belonging, and inversely fears rejection, has come to believe that you can control rejection or acceptance by controlling what you eat and what your body looks like.

The problem is not our desire, it’s internalized healthism. Diet culture is selling us “health and wellness” when the reality is, dieting behavior creates a stress response that adversely effects our health. Diet culture is also a breeding ground for eating disorders, which will affect 28.8 million Americans in their lifetime and presently causes over 10K deaths every year.  In the US, the weight loss industry is valued at roughly $90 Billion. The heartbreaking truth is that the success of diet culture comes from the fact that it is marketing to our desire for love and acceptance. Now that we know this, how do we divest from diet culture and let go of food guilt?

First, identify your food rules and challenge them directly.

It can be helpful to write down an exhaustive list of all your food rules. To get specific and detailed about all your food rules, ask yourself: Who, What, When, Where and How. Are there only certain people you feel comfortable eating with? What foods do you allow? What foods do you avoid? Are there only certain times of day when you can eat? Are there only specific places you’ll allow yourself to eat or notice certain places you avoid eating? How much? And over what length of time? Are there only certain ways your allowed to eat it?

Second, cultivate mindful awareness of your emotions and bodily sensations. 

Anytime you remember to recognize your present moment’s experience with non-judgement, you are being mindful. The longer we can sustain our attention on the present moment, the more we notice the vast array of internal and external sensory experience. Our minds like to create stories about the sensory input our bodies are always receiving. But when we are caught up in the story, we are no longer with our experience. Guilt is one of those stories. If we’re feeling guilty, a part of us has already decided we’ve done something wrong, but is that really true?

Mindfulness gives us the space to get curious about our assumptions and reconnect to our bodies with compassion.

As a cue to bring yourself back from distraction, you might ask yourself the simple question, “What’s happening now?”

Third, offer yourself compassion when you notice food guilt arise.

With the same feeling tone you have when speaking to a friend who is having a difficult time, you can offer yourself the soothing reminder that no matter what has brought you to feel this way, you do not have to be, or do, anything special to be worthy of love and acceptance. No matter what food you eat, you deserve patience, respect, and care. You might try repeating the following phrases to yourself:

May I be with my body, just as it is.

May I be kind and patient with myself, as I bring awareness to my body.

May I hold this guilt with kindness and compassion.

May I care for my body, and respond to its needs.

For more guidance on working through food guilt and relating to your body with compassion, try my FREE meditations on Insight Timer:

Did you find this helpful? Do you disagree or have something you would add? Let me know in the comments!